Addendum to the Master Scheme

10:15. Ahh, the luxury of sleeping in.  And then the phone rings. It is my mother.  I assume she is calling to ask if I have eaten breakfast yet or what my nephew, who came to visit this weekend, is doing.  My standard answer to the food question is always rice and chicken.  I tell her I eat rice and chicken for every meal.  I am not sure why.  Those two words, com and ga, just seem to roll off my tongue so easily, especially when my mom constantly asks if I have eaten, what I ate, if I cooked it, and if not then why can't I be a better woman and learn how to cook.  This morning though she went straight to the baby talk.


She had a reworking of her master plan of going to the sperm bank from yesterday.  This morning she tells me that I can just collect the specimen from my own husband and take it on down to the sperm bank for implantation.  No need to involve the non-relationship men from the bank.  Even better, I could collect implantation material from my own home and as my mother states, this would further teach my husband a lesson.


My response, to yawn. "Yeah, ok mom. Ok, sounds like a good plan. I'll talk to you later." Mom, "Hehehehe." Click.

Later in the evening, my husband and I went to drop off my nephew at my mom's house.  I was hoping to enjoy one last bowl of shrimp soup before I had to return home.  I was in the bathroom and when I came out my husband was saying to my older sister, "Tell your mom to stop harassing me. She doesn't know how stubborn I can be.  I had a show down with your son in the bathroom for 2 hours to make him brush his teeth. I am very patient. At this rate, she will never get grandchildren." Woah people, whats going on? Can't I take a pee without you all fighting over non-existent children?  My mother in retaliation mutters in Vietnamese something about being selfish and only buying toys for himself.  Then she sits by me and whispers, "It's okay. You just collect the specimens later and you can bring it down to the place when you are finished with school." My older sister says to my husband, "You better watch those two, they are over there scheming and pretty soon she'll be popping out her babies." Thanks Sis, not helping!

My mother packed up a couple care package bags to send home with us as usual.  On the drive home, my husband questions out of the blue, "What the hell are you suppose to collect it in??!!"

When we get home my husband opens one of the care package bags. It is a plastic bag filled with other plastic bags. No food. "What the hell! Did she send all these bags so you could collect my sperm?"

Hahahaha. Good one, hun.